Craigs list and other personal ads...

Topic: Craigs list and other personal ads... (Read 3081 times) previous topic - next topic

Craigs list and other personal ads...

May 26, 2008, 05:21:04 AM

I've been browsing the car classifieds there for quite some time and just realized there are personal ads up there as well... I had some time to kill and figured, eh why not browse a few, it's been awhile since I've had a date. Has anyone else noticed how it's almost impossible to find a decent 20-25 y/o woman who doesn't have kids? Maybe it's the just the kind of chick who posts personal ads? Even while browsing the bar scene I've found it's pretty difficult to find someone without kids (or at the very least, without major emotional baggage). Any theories on the topic?

Craigs list and other personal ads...

Reply #1 – May 26, 2008, 08:10:27 AM

Not sure why, I know by the time I was 21, I was married and had 2 kids. By the time I was 22, I was a single mom. He had decided he didn't want to be married and be a dad anymore.

I also think that because of how much teens are having shag, you have to look at the huge probability of the girls getting pregnant. Teen guys don't always stick around, therefore leaving the girls as single moms.
It's not such a big thing for the guys, as they can 'walk away' and maybe send a check once in a while if they don't want to be part of the kid's life. The moms, if they keep the baby, are there for the duration.

Everyone can make mistakes when they are young, and not all of the girls who get pregnant planned on it. It changes their lives and in most cases makes it much harder on them. It also makes it difficult to meet someone worth dating. Not only do you have to find someone who is a good guy to you, but also who is a good guy to your kids and accepts them as a part of you.

It was tough for me when I started dating after I had my boys and was divorced. I dated a couple of guys who seemed great, till I saw them with my kids and how they treated them. Then they were out the door faster than they could ask me 'why?' One was kicked out on Christmas day when I heard him tell my boys that he knew how to kill people and if they didn't behave, he could show them.

The other issue I had was that I was and still am a part of my ex-husband's family. There aren't many guys out there who can understand that. But they are good people and have always treated me very well. But, since I was divorced, anyone I met thought that I should have nothing to do with the family anymore. I just couldn't do that.
It took a long time to meet someone who accepted all of it. It turned out that I started dating someone who I would have never thought to date. We've now been married for 8 years and together for almost 10. We have a daughter together and he had 2 daughters from his previous marriage. He then adopted my boys from my first marriage. He is also part of my ex's family since he married me. They refer to him as their son-in-law. Our daughter and his daughters from his first marriage are also part of the family. You'd never even know that they aren't really their grandchildren if you met them and didn't know previously.

Anyway, didn't mean to ramble or give you my life's history. But, I just wanted to let you see the other side of things. It's very difficult for a woman to meet a guy who is a good one, and more so if she has a kid(s). She ends up not just looking for someone who is good to her, but also someone who is good to her kids and is willing to accept that she actually had a life prior to meeting him.
I'm sure it's hard for guys who have a kid to meet someone too, but I think it's a little easier for them since most often they don't have custody, but just visitation once in a while. It's not as much of a 'hit home' thing for the girls they date because the kids aren't there every day, the reality doesn't set in as fast.

**Forgot to add that I tried the personal ads at one time... it didn't work. You might be better off having a friend set you up with someone. Or, it could be that one of your friends would make a great girlfriend.... that's how Roger and I got together and, as I said, it's been 10 years.

Craigs list and other personal ads...

Reply #2 – May 26, 2008, 08:25:39 AM

No offense to anyone,but I was taught that if you're looking at bars and adds online or in a publication for someone,you shouldn't have high expectations.Sometimes you get what you pay for ( so to speak).I did say sometimes.My own 2 cents.

Craigs list and other personal ads...

Reply #3 – May 26, 2008, 08:45:05 AM

if you think it is hard to find a 20-25 year old, wait until you are 25 and looking for someone 25-30

i dated a girl from high school until i was 25 years old, we got engaged and then broke up. (around 7 years relationship)
after some time, i started dating again. I think i went out with 7 or 8 girls in 4 years, and finally i found someone cool. (also that is with a 1 year break because i was so sick of the girl i previously dated, that i wanted to take time to myself.) It went from complete psychopaths to even a girl trying to move into my house with out being asked (also a psychopath). For a while i figured i just attracted psychos. One of the girls i dated, her mother told me she was crazy, now if a mother is warning me, i should have listened, it only was a week later i realized what she meant. I even dated a girl that i came to believe was married. she had these weird things, that i wasnt allowed to call until a certain time usually 8pm (she got off of work at 4, and i could call at work if i wanted), i wasnt allowed to go to her house, We always had to meet somewhere, i couldnt pick her up. She was fine with coming to my house, but never hers. It finally hit me, but it took a few months to realize. She denied it, but she never had an explanation to why those things.

the one person i found that was cool, i married, and we have been married for just about 2 years. She is definitely a much better person then i could have imagined. even after 2 years of marriage plus dating time, she surprised me with how cool she is.

The right person is out there, but it can take a while to find. I feel really lucky to have met my wife, and i thank my lucky stars to have met her.

the right person is out there. Just keep looking (even if you arent ready to find a wife, you can find a person that you really enjoy going out with, that will make you happier in life)

Craigs list and other personal ads...

Reply #4 – May 26, 2008, 09:27:10 AM

out of my hometown of 2000, I think only 1 isn't married, and has no kids of her own, over the age of 25; a few more under the age of 25. Then again, over half the high school girls in junior and senior class are pregnant, as has been documented in recent years at the school. So even a variance plus or minus, a 1/3rd, will end up single mothers by the time they are 21, and old enough to go to the bar. The rest will be stay at home moms, and the single wo/ kids will move away to attend college. Perhaps you live in a small town like this....IE midwestern town with no jobs to keep them home.

One drive up the main drag in the afternoon (on my way home from work everyday) you will see several young girls pushing baby carriages. Your first thought is, ohh babysitting, but reality is it's theirs.

Craigs list and other personal ads...

Reply #5 – May 26, 2008, 10:21:00 AM

yeah same as in my town... all you see in my town is young girls pushing carriages, but never a man around. Of course alot of the women (girls) in my town are puppiess that cant remember who all they slept with that night, so they dont really know who the father is...

My town is full of loser punks that dont have a clue about being a dad, they just want the shag, and if she gets knocked up, they dump her and move on... Retards.... There is actually a girl in my town that use to down a bottle of rye everytime she got prego... which was almost a monthly basis for her (from the time she was 15)... she finally gave birth to one.

I am an asshole, but I will ALWAYS be there for my boy, he means the world to me, and I couldnt bear the thought of anything happening to him....

Craigs list and other personal ads...

Reply #6 – May 26, 2008, 12:01:35 PM

just start talking to more girls. get busy, get going,, get moving.

Girls talk to each other,, talk circulates,,

the more you talk to the more you are known of.

its to easy to simple to say "hi, my name is..." It isnt rude to introduce yourself. just start making it a part of your day from now on. eventually (within days or by the 4th of july, ill exect you have had a couple dates or are dating someone steady.

down deep girls want the same things guys want,,, someone who cares about them no matter what thier past or current situation. Respect that of them and its your choice to move on or not.

BTW,, if you say your going to call them, then call. THis really girls off and then games start happening.

Craigs list and other personal ads...

Reply #7 – May 26, 2008, 01:13:52 PM

After growing up in Iowa, I discovered that the level of education has a big influence on when people have kids. People that go to work after high school tend to get married early and have kids early.

People that get a college education or more tend to focus on their career and move to professional towns where people get married later. It seemed to hold true with all my friends in Waterloo.

Or maybe it was that those of who couldn't find wives, focused on a career.

Craigs list and other personal ads...

Reply #8 – May 26, 2008, 08:36:51 PM

What? shagy singles aren't waiting for my call?!!!

Craigs list and other personal ads...

Reply #9 – May 26, 2008, 09:27:44 PM

Quote from: vinnietbird;220721

No offense to anyone,but I was taught that if you're looking at bars and adds online or in a publication for someone,you shouldn't have high expectations.Sometimes you get what you pay for ( so to speak).I did say sometimes.My own 2 cents.

x2:toilet:

Craigs list and other personal ads...

Reply #10 – May 26, 2008, 10:52:04 PM

A bit naive if you ask me.

I doubt you come into it free of "baggage" yourself, so why should any girls you meet be any different?

The person you meet having kids should have no bearing on whether you connect with them or not. Either you click, or you don't.

Craigs list and other personal ads...

Reply #11 – May 26, 2008, 11:37:21 PM

Quote from: xjeffs;220751

After growing up in Iowa, I discovered that the level of education has a big influence on when people have kids. People that go to work after high school tend to get married early and have kids early.

People that get a college education or more tend to focus on their career and move to professional towns where people get married later. It seemed to hold true with all my friends in Waterloo.

Or maybe it was that those of who couldn't find wives, focused on a career.

????

Craigs list and other personal ads...

Reply #12 – May 27, 2008, 12:37:46 AM

Quote from: t3skidoo;220802

What? shagy singles aren't waiting for my call?!!!

TV lies???????

Craigs list and other personal ads...

Reply #13 – May 27, 2008, 12:51:59 AM

Quote from: xjeffs;220751

After growing up in Iowa, I discovered that the level of education has a big influence on when people have kids. People that go to work after high school tend to get married early and have kids early.

People that get a college education or more tend to focus on their career and move to professional towns where people get married later. It seemed to hold true with all my friends in Waterloo.

Or maybe it was that those of who couldn't find wives, focused on a career.

Haha, I know what you mean so maybe I can translate for jcassity here:

It seems that around here, most people who do not go on to college settle down and have kids right after high school. A lot of times these relationships will fail because most people don't really have a sense of their own identity right after high school. In this case, you have single moms who most often end up with primary custody of the children and fall right into the age group I'm talking about. These are the types found in the personal ad sections (Kids or not, most of them have serious emotional baggage).

In a college town, some single girls are seeking a degree and putting off marriage and serious relationships until they're finished with school.

Then there are the type who go to college to get their "mrs" degree (gold-diggers) and couldn't care less about finishing school and party all the time, assuming they'll marry rich. These are the types found in the bar scene most of the time.

I'm really not much for kids, so group 1 is out. I enjoy what I do but I'm not rich and never will be, so group 3 is out as well. I don't mean to hastily generalize all women out there, but this is what I've seen. So... without browsing personal ads and without picking up the random in the bar, how does one go about meeting someone who is worthwhile?

Craigs list and other personal ads...

Reply #14 – May 27, 2008, 01:20:11 AM

sorry but it appears you both have describe each and every small / large / rich or poor town across the land,, the world for that matter. I just did not understand how going to college changes these known statistics.

I just found it to be an odd worded description of who is better than whom based on and assumed education and location.