Re: Totaled Reply #16 – November 24, 2004, 08:40:51 PM NO, I'm not. As sad as he is that he lost his pride and joy, it can be replaced. Whether it be a Fox Cougar, or a Ford GT, or a Bugatti, it is still just a car. As mad as he is that it is gone, he will get over it. It is a far better thing for him to be telling us he lost his car than it would have been for him to be telling us he lost a leg, or broke his back, or his passenger was killed, or not writing anything at all because he is dead. The point I, and everyone else who said "It's just a car", was making is that cars can be replaced. People can't. Cars, no matter how badly damaged, can be repaired if you're willing to sink the money into it. All the money in the world will not fix a severed spinal column. The very fact that the value of the car would not justify repairing it only proves my point that it is just a car. Quote Selected
Re: Totaled Reply #17 – November 24, 2004, 08:50:50 PM YES, you ARE missing the point. In fact, I directly addressed replies like yours in my first post by saying:QuoteAll I can say is, if I just had one of my T-birds defiled or destroyed, probably the last thing I'd wanna hear right afterword is "it's just a car".. no matter how correct that turns out to be in the end.Regardless of whether he can replace it or not.. there's an emotional investment involved, and he's examining that investment right now. I don't care what justifications and possible scenarios you use, that will not change.Personally, if I came in here after a major accident and said I was very upset that someone trashed one of my Birds, and you told me "it's just a car", quite bluntly I would tell you to f*** off.. even though *I* know it's "just a car" in the end. If you told me such a thing in person while I was at my most upset, to be honest I'd probably punch you in the face for something like that. (hypothetically speaking) At the time something happens, sometimes you just have to let out the frustration.. and at times like that, poo-pooing the feeling with generic dismissive statements can be infuriating.That's one of the reasons my fiance and I get along so well.. she seems to have realized that, when I'm worked up over something, it's usually best to just stand aside and let me have that initial outburst, and get it over with. Now, I realize that he's REALLY worked up.. and even hinted at doing stupid s*** over this. THAT is a bit much.. and I don't condone doing something crazy over a car (or a woman, or whatever) no matter what car it is. But I do think he needs to get it out of his system and come to his OWN conclusion that it's "just a car", and move on. Quote Selected
Re: Totaled Reply #18 – November 24, 2004, 09:03:05 PM Let me give you a vaguely similar but very much unrelated scenario:8 years ago as of this past weekend, my father died. We had just been patching up a more or less rotten relationship over our lifetimes, including having kicked him out of the house at gunpoint in utter fear of my life twice. Although we had been slowly patching things up, his last words to me that night were involved with calling me an asshole.Now, even after all that, I was still pretty emotional over the whole thing. However, when I would talk to friends and tell them, and they'd respond to me in a normal conversational manner, I wouldn't have any problem continuing to talk about it. But when I would tell someone who would proceed to get all emotional and try to console me, I would have a tough time dealing with that.. like when I told the wife of a friend of mine that I wouldn't be making an appointment we had, and she got that high-pitched "oh I'm so sorry" tone, I almost lost it right there.. (I understood that she meant well, but it was extremely annoying nonetheless) and I hated every situation where people would react like that, even though it would seem to be the most sensible and sensitive course of action to take.Obviously losing a parent is a bit more significant than losing a car.. but the thing I'm getting at is this: Try just telling him "yeah man, that sucks.. it was a beautiful car" and let HIM deal with figuring out things and working out his feelings than trying to tell him what you think you SHOULD say. Quote Selected
Re: Totaled Reply #19 – November 24, 2004, 09:14:10 PM You don't understand. Saying "It's just a car" and "You'll find another one" was not meant in any way to hint that his car might not be valuable. Hell, my car is the most valuable thing I own. My statements were meant to try to make him feel better, not worse. Would you rather everyone replied with"Man, I'd be PISSED if someone did that to me! You should find the bitch and burn her house down!" or something to that effect? Personally, I'd rather have somebody say "It's just a car" than "So how are you gonna get even?" or "Oh, man, you'll never find another one like that!" If "having that initial outburst" goes no further than ranting about it in a messageboard then no harm is done, but if that outburst involves dangerous thougts, pointing out that it's just a car and showing encouragement by saying that it can be replaced could go a long way to help preventing his doing something stupid before he comes to his own conclusions. You're taking the whole thing the wrong way. I think every person who said "It's just a car" was trying to help this person see that it is not the end of the world. We are trying to make him feel better about it. Nobody was belittling his car or how he feels about it. I only mentioned my own experiences to show that yes, I have experienced this, and yes, it sucked, but I got over it and replaced the car. And yes, after the accident, I did have stupid thoughts running through my head (I knew where the trucker lived), especially after he lied to the cops. I was there, and I was merely trying to offer help through experience. Sheesh! Why doncha go pick on Oldraven for awhile.:2gunsfiri Rumour has it he likes Chevies Quote Selected
Re: Totaled Reply #20 – November 24, 2004, 09:25:45 PM My second post addresses your response.Yes, I do understand. It's not about dollar value. You could have a Yugo you bought for $10 and spent a year slapping a SBF/5.0 'Stang drivetrain into, and it'd still be a Yugo with a common drivetrain, but the EMOTIONAL value to you may be much much higher than the dollar value.In my case, yeah, I'd probably rather hear the hypothetical response you presented. I wouldn't go do something stupid over it, but I'd rather hear that than the generic blowoff. I would interpret your "just a car" comment as a devaluation of my emotional investment in my own car, regardless of its dollar value before the accident.The point is, you may THINK you're making him feel better about it.. but the proactive (there's a fun word to use after several beers) response isn't always the best thing.It's funny that you bring up fighting with Oldraven.. he was using a term that was, where I live, a thinly-veiled racist remark. HE did not know this.. and was apparently rather shocked and upset to find this out. I was not accusing him of *being* racist for saying it.. merely pointing out that the term itself was racist where I live. See how you can intend one thing and it can end up being something COMPLETELY different?Yes, I advocate just saying to someone like Kissmaoss something like: "wow, that sucks about your car.. what a bitch" (referring to the driver of the other car) You acknowledge his loss, you acknowledge his rage against the intrusion upon his life, but you don't really encourage anything. He may make insinuations about doing stupid things over it, but unless he's truly an unstable person to begin with I doubt he'll do anything bad over it. Hell, I talk about shooting people and their vehicles all the time over road rage, stupid driving, whatever.. out of frustration over whatever happens.. doesn't mean I have my Mauser loaded and sitting in the back seat waiting for the next guy to cut me off so I can put 5 armor-piercing rounds through his engine block. Quote Selected
Re: Totaled Reply #21 – November 24, 2004, 09:37:51 PM BTW, none of this is said with any malice or ill-will. You just have to understand that some stuff needs to run its course, and that the things you say may be more dismissive and counter-productive than you realize. Quote Selected
Re: Totaled Reply #22 – November 24, 2004, 09:50:46 PM Everything i say is counter-productive, pal, and don't you forget it :hick: Quote Selected
Re: Totaled Reply #23 – November 24, 2004, 09:51:48 PM YOU GO NOW! YOU BEEN HERE FOUR HOUR! YOU EAT EVERY-TEENG! HOW YOU GET SO BEEG? :p Quote Selected
Re: Totaled Reply #24 – November 25, 2004, 01:47:44 AM Just a car. That they don't make any more (haven't for 16 years, not even anything close), that has been maintained meticulously since it was new, that has only been worked on by someone who truly gives a s***, but it's "just a car". And the insurance company will total it for $500. What a crock. Quote Selected
Re: Totaled Reply #25 – November 25, 2004, 01:53:16 AM I'm pretty sure the argument's over. If this says anything.... when I took my very first car, that I'd done so much work on and put so much time into, driven so many miles, to the junkyard, as I was leaving I had tears in my eyes and it was all I could do to hold them back. I'll get another one someday though, and while it won't be the same, I'll make it just as good or better. Quote Selected
Re: Totaled Reply #26 – November 25, 2004, 06:48:22 AM I don't suppose kissmaoss8701 is anywhere near Florida?From the old board (Bird351 has been there already):87 Cougar free to good home...http://p089.ezboard.com/ffoxthunderbirdswantedforsale.showMessage?topicID=1642.topic Quote Selected
Re: Totaled Reply #27 – November 25, 2004, 02:18:55 PM Quote from: MasterBlasterI don't suppose kissmaoss8701 is anywhere near Florida?From the old board (Bird351 has been there already):87 Cougar free to good home...http://p089.ezboard.com/ffoxthunderbirdswantedforsale.showMessage?topicID=1642.topicnow this is called productive support :) if your trademark was "the guy with the clean ass cougar" then snap back to reality and start shopping and get out of the demante or whatever that thing is.If you dont snap back,, your passing up an opportunity to set an example. Quote Selected
Re: Totaled Reply #28 – November 26, 2004, 12:26:31 AM Well since im in the "great" state of oklahoma ive been searching, theres no Cougar in good shape for at least 400 miles, and... I dont have a car.. so i cant get it. But look on the bright side.... I might be goin to catjam 05... I just wont have a cat Quote Selected
Re: Totaled Reply #29 – November 26, 2004, 12:03:55 PM I wrecked my Bird about a month after spending hundreds of dollars and hours rebuilding the motor and driveline. Its not a good feeling, and I still dont like to drive around the corner where it happened, but after hundreds more dolars and hours the car is my daily driver. Quote Selected
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