Fox T-Bird/Cougar Forums  

Dang Ivy... you've got a lot on your plate. I think you just need to let me come cart that ugly ol' '83 off so you can concentrate on your other projects. I'll make sure it retires in a nice spot.

....One day in '94 he called and said "if you want the T-Bird, you can have it".  It has 73,000 original miles.  Dad was a big hot rodder in his day.  He liked the changes I made, although he liked his cars a little flashier than I do.  I lost him in 2006.

Now, if you want two '67 Porsche 912 projects or two '74 Honda 360 projects, we should talk...

Now, if you want two '67 Porsche 912 projects...

A little 912 project would be nice.  Good thing I have NO MORE ROOM for any other cars, or we might actually have to talk.

Well here's part of the story...in my state, a Police Officer accused of domestic assault loses his gun and badge until trial.  If found guilty, he loses his job...period.  My ex and her boyfriend (a retired cop - nice, right?) had this plan to bait me into kicking her ass so I would be arrested and lose my job and she would be in a better bargaining position during divorce negotiations.  What they didn't know is that the boyfriend's wife had found hundreds of emails between the two of them, where they planned every detail of being awarded my pension and running off together.  The boyfriend's wife shared all of the emails with me.  So one night, I'm ironing clothes for work. She comes home drunk (again) and tries her best to start a fight with me. She tries and tries but she can't get a rise out of me, because I already know the deal.  She becomes so infuriated that she can't get me to fight, that she grabs the iron and opens up my head with it.  Then she tears up the house, trashes my closets, smashes my cell phone, rips the flatscreens off the walls, you name it. She can't get an angry reaction out of me.  I pick up the phone and call the County.  She claims I was beating her and she was defending herself.  They bring two female Officers to strip search her for injuries...nothing. When she's allowed to get dressed, she puts on silk PJs and a silk robe like she's going to bed.  Suprise!  Off she goes to jail, in her pajamas...held on $35,000 bond, thank you very much.

So, in the settlement, I had to allow her to stay in the house for a while and she got the car and the truck, but she didn't get any alimony; she didn't get my pensions; she didn't get my 457 or my IRA...she didn't even get the money in our checking account.  I was advised by counsel to steer clear of her just so there wouldn't be any more drama until the house can be sold.

In the meantime, the boyfriend was diagnosed with Cancer and died.  BWAAAH-HHAAAAA-HHHHHAAAAA!!!!!

HOLY shiznit!!!!

This story is one of the most epic ones I've ever heard. However, I'm only 21, so I'm sure there will be more on my lifetime, but holy hell...so epic...