have pets? read this! January 17, 2009, 03:57:28 PM To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]Dear Dogs and Cats,[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT] [FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]in the slightest.[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]fall faster than you can run.[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each or stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]not necessary to claw , whine, meow, try to turn the or get your[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]-- canine or feline attendance isn't required.[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]I cannot stress this enough![FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]front[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]door:[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]1. They live here. You don't.[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT](That's why they call it "fur"niture.) 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT] [FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]they:[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]1. Eat less[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]2. Don't ask for money all the time[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]3. Are easier to train[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]4. Normally come when called[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]5. Never ask to drive the car[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 7. Don't smoke or drink 8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions 9. Don't want to wear your clothes[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]And finally,[FONT='Courier New'][/FONT]11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children Quote Selected
have pets? read this! Reply #1 – January 17, 2009, 04:24:30 PM Hey, that sounds like how it is at our house!!!! LOL. Quote Selected
have pets? read this! Reply #2 – January 17, 2009, 04:28:25 PM Yep the ones with the fur coates rule. at least in my house.THERE SPECIAL.They need to be smacked. Quote Selected
have pets? read this! Reply #5 – January 17, 2009, 10:34:53 PM My dog walked in the room and licked my arm while i was reading this... and everything is so true, the wife got a kick out of it too ( We're not the only ones..) Quote Selected
have pets? read this! Reply #6 – January 17, 2009, 11:09:29 PM My dog used to lick my hand every morning, and yes all that is true lol. Quote Selected
have pets? read this! Reply #7 – January 18, 2009, 12:47:00 AM yep for me to except my dog loves to drink...and then she wants to fight ..and then she starts the loving again...u know shes a tipical drunk Quote Selected
have pets? read this! Reply #8 – January 18, 2009, 10:57:42 AM 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their childrenthat part really made me laugh :rollin: Quote Selected
have pets? read this! Reply #9 – January 18, 2009, 01:14:43 PM sounds the same at my place too. Quote Selected
have pets? read this! Reply #10 – January 18, 2009, 02:30:12 PM They forgot the part where my two labs love to dig under the fence to get out. But other than that very true. Quote Selected
have pets? read this! Reply #11 – January 18, 2009, 03:00:07 PM Quote from: grutinator;25235811. If they get pregnant, you can sell their childrenthat part really made me laugh :rollin:Me too, although Hunter didn't find it quite as amusing. Quote Selected
have pets? read this! Reply #12 – January 19, 2009, 07:03:41 AM Hahahahahaha..I love it. In my house that whole story fits quite well, of course there are....and at last count.........1 Maltese 1 Bulldog (has about 5 teeth left, is mostly blind and deaf)1 Boxer 1 Chihuahua 1 Siamese cat1 (big ass white fluffy cat)1 Hairless rat1 Yorkshire Terrior2 Mallory Ducks (at least they live outside)There are 5 bedrooms in the house and the animals use them all. I'm just glad we got rid of the two great danes, a pot belly pig (coyote got it) and the kids came home with a couple of boxer puppies.(they stayed all of about 10 mins)So I can agree with that letter. Quote Selected
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