When you should tip me more!

Topic: When you should tip me more! (Read 2074 times) previous topic - next topic

When you should tip me more!

February 04, 2005, 04:11:18 AM

$5 for me is a good tip. $3 is the average.

But then there are cirspoogestances in which you should tip more. Well, like that time the guy answered the door and there was a huge funnel cloud behind me. that’s one of them times, And I did get a nice tip on that one. (and I believe they ate their pizza in the basp00get)

Times when I should get better tips,

When the store quotes 45 Minuets and I get it there in 20

When there is any bad weather in general

when the order is out in BFE

When they don't tie their dogs up.

When I spend 20 minuets looking for a house cause they either don't have an address or didn't turn on the porch light.

When they give us the wrong address and a disconnected phone number.

When they add something to the order after I'm gone and make me have to come back. (or when they lie and say they ordered a pen 15e)

When the order is 10 miles out of district and I have to take it anyway!

When your evil kids **** with me!

When you're drunk (I usually get nice tips then)

When you look out and see a cop with his lights on, parked in the driveway behind me! (yes, that has happened!)

When you live at the top floor of an apartment building with a broken elevator!

When you order at work and make me wait in line behind your customers!

When you make me walk to the back of the business.

When your driveway is 5 miles from your ****ing house and I have to walk through mud!

When you give me directions like "third house on the left with a red pickup truck" Then I find out they've built 2 houses between you and you traded in the truck for a Van!

When I have to climb over all of the in your yard!

When I fall through the rotten wood on your front porch!

When I ring the doorbell and get electrocuted!

When you plan on turning the porch light off just after you get your pizza so I can't see to get back to my car!

When you have one of those little 3 foot deep fish ponds in your front yard that I can't see cause its covered in snow, so I fall through it and have my balls shrink to the size of BBs and freeze my ass off for the rest of ****ing night!
When you deside that its not indecent exposure to answer the door naked cause your belly overlaps your puss. Trust me, its ****ing indecent!

when you let your naked 5 year old answer the door! I have no desire to see that! Now if you wanna let your naked 18 year old answer the door, By all means! You can even make that my tip!

When you want me to look at your car and tell you what’s wrong with it. .

When I have to come back a second time cause your ass wasn't ****ing home! I don't give a shiznit if they told you 45 Minuets, Not my fault I'm fast! And if you was gonna rent videos then why the **** didn't you pick up the pizza yourself? You couldn't walk 5 stores over, Its in the same plaza for god sakes! Lazy ****ers! :disgust:

When you deside to keep me talking, keep handing me money and I'll listen.

When you hear my exhaust se all the way down your shiznity driveway!

When you've sat and watched me drive by 10 ****ing times looking for your house and didn't even bother to flash your porch lights or flag me down!

When your dog (that you didn't tie up in the first place) climbs up into my car (claws on the clear coat) And gets my next order and takes off with it!

When your ****ing name is Lovett! You live out on County Road 1015 with 50 other people with the same last name in 6 Trailers, 100's sped out cars, over a 100 dogs and cats, god only knows how many ****ing kids! All surrounding a shiznit lake with your own mother ****ing Bar on the lake! Derby town! OMFG White trash heaven! I shiznit you not! :lol: :lol: :lol:

When I get stuck in your driveway!

When I can't get up the hill due to ice and have to walk 1/4 mile to your house!

When you make me stand under dripping water from a gutter you've never cleaned in your ****ing life!

When I get up the road and find 2 of your cats in my back seat! (yeah, like you'll miss them, you've got 200 more!)

When you see me breathing through my mouth cause your house smells like shiznit! Or worse!

When you make rude comments about my car! At least it runs, at least it aint on blocks! at least I didn't loose my virginity to my sister in it!

When you are doing something illegal that you don't want anyone else to know about, I may not be a nark, but some hush money would be nice.

When you plan on telling me I have a "purdy mouth"!

When you're so drunk that you make me write the check! (hell yeah, best tip I've ever had!)

When the pizzas free cause the driver the day before ****ed up.

When I have to walk across your moat!

When I have to deal with one of your relatives attitudes!

When I have to deal with your attitude!
When your bad breath overpowers the anchovies

When you order Anchovies. The smell lingers in my car for days!

When you order the pizza for 9pm, knowing full well that you don't go on lunch break until 9:30pm, And make we wait in the break room for a half hour with the assholes from Pizza Hut, Pizza Inn and Pizza Pitstop! All telling me how much faster they are than me, and how much more money they make! Bullshiznit mother ****ers! I got there first, and I drive a ****ing Mustang, y'all drive Beater Civics and S10s. Tell me who make more money bitches!

when you work for any car dealer but Ford and tell me I should trade in my POS!

When I step in a bear trap! That has happened to me before, And its total bullshiznit that it was in the font yard! What kinda sick **** sets a bear trap in his front yard anyway!

When I step in any form of animal shiznit that is in your front yard!

When you have "Please use other door" on every ****ing door on your house! Very funny asshole!

When you have a sign that says, "Warning, an occupant of this house is a convicted shag offender/child molester" Just consider yourself lucky I don't spit in your food you sick ****!

When you want me to buy you Cigarettes or beer. I don't mind doing this if you are of age, But I'll only do it once if you **** me over!

When you request me cause we are either friends or cause I'm fast. Don't waist my time.

When I have to drive my freshly washed car down your gravel road.

When I have to back down 2 miles of driveway cause there is nowhere to turn around.

When I have to climb over your fence to get to your front door.

When your name is Cannon and you get me involved in a drive by beating!

When you get my car searched cause I just happened be there when you got busted!

when I get bitched at by the nursing staff at the Nursing home for delivering a pizza to you when you know ed good'n'well that your ass isn't supposed to have it!

When I'm in that same nursing home and some old woman asks me to apply her c00chl cream!

When I'm in that same Nursing home and can't get out until they unlock the doors ! In their own sweet ****ing time!

When you try to push me into a swimming pool!

When you have no shame!

When I come back out to my car and find that some one swiped my CD player remote (of all ****ing things!)

When I **** up my car running over a piece of cement and metal delivering a pizza to your trailer park! (something that shouldn't have been in the ****ing road in the first place!)

When I total a car on my way to your place!

When I have to hitch a ride to your place cause I put my car into a ditch trying to get you your pizza hot!

When I'm dirty, have a doughnut spare in my car and your pizza is still hot!

When I come to the door tired, worn out cause I so obviously got called into work on my day off!

When I have to climb up into your trailer cause you don't have steps!

When I have to walk through mud cause you just had your Modular home put in!

When I get a splinter knocking on your front door!

When I need a tetb-hole shot after touching your screen door!

When you waist my time cause all you have is a $100 bill that I can't break!

When the price of gas goes over $2.00 a gallon.

When your Idea of a tip is trying to convert me to your religion! Gee, thanks! Them Watch Tower pamphlets really pay the bills! :rolleyes:

When you try to get me to vote for your people! **** My man Mitch! What the **** has he done for me?

When you are going to sit and haggle the price with me! Mother ****er, you either pay me what it says on the box or its going back with me! And if I have to bring it back out there, you better well believe that ****er's gonna be cold!

When its Mid October and you live anywhere on or near SR59 (For those who don't know, that’s when the covered Bridge Festival is going on)

When delivering any big order (anything over 4 pizzas)

When Delivering to a church, I don’t care what you say, Donating my tip to the church is not exeptable! You don't know me! How do you even know what I believe in? Maybe by doing so you've royally pissed off my god and condemned me to hell! Didn't think of that did ya asshole?

When I have to come back and give you your change cause you had your kids answer the door. They told me to keep the $10! I asked them 20 times if they was sure it was ok with you, And to get you to make sure, But no, you wouldn't get your fat ass off the couch! And now I have to waist my time coming back, Time is money Bitch!

when I have to come back cause you didn't know that a Spinach Alfredo chicken Tomato pizza had "Tomatoes" on it and you are Allergic to them! :rolleyes:

When you do something so outrageous to me that no one in the store believes me when I tell them!

Re: When you should tip me more!

Reply #1 – February 04, 2005, 08:26:41 AM

I believe its really your life....

So many things happen to you.... :D

Re: When you should tip me more!

Reply #2 – February 04, 2005, 09:57:55 AM

omg dude thats sick. when we f' with the pizza guy we get some chick to answer the door naked or something lol. not SICK DOGS ON THEM

Re: When you should tip me more!

Reply #3 – February 04, 2005, 11:14:28 AM

Quote

When you have "Please use other door" on every ****ing door on your house! Very funny asshole!

I don't care what you say, THAT is hilarious.

Re: When you should tip me more!

Reply #4 – February 04, 2005, 03:59:05 PM

glad I go eat the buffet when I want pizza, half a them thar duh-scripchuns fits mah shiznituatian!
well, i do have a muddy yard, and traps in it as well...LOL, no naked women though, just a coupla Pit-Bulls...but they don't bite*

*unless ya run from em!!!!! hahahahaha

Re: When you should tip me more!

Reply #5 – February 04, 2005, 05:46:46 PM

I feel ya on some points dare, but like sly says, it's probably just the black cloud hangin over ya :p
I just have a buncha wetbacks who have their little 5 year olds tell them the price because they don't know a word of english. and quadplexes where the address is right next to the door in 20 font numbers, 40 feet from the street. oh, and I've taken hundred dollar orders paid for with EXACT CHANGE. these are the kinds of people on whose lawn I want to take a big steamy dump!

Re: When you should tip me more!

Reply #6 – February 04, 2005, 08:06:42 PM

Have a bad day at work?

We meet the pizza person at their car.....If we didnt they would be attacked by my geese, there worse than any pit bull!

Has ALL of that actually happened to you?

Re: When you should tip me more!

Reply #7 – February 04, 2005, 08:43:41 PM

How long did it take you to type all of that?

:D

What's new with the Mustang, Daren?

Re: When you should tip me more!

Reply #8 – February 04, 2005, 10:15:54 PM

I was watchin this show on Comedy central the other night called Drawn Together. Well, they order a pizza, the delivery guy hands it to them, they go "back inside for the money", put a log of poo on the pizza, come back to the door and say "We didn't order sausage with this pizza!"
I know I'm not the only person who saw this so just watch out Dare, someone may be scheming to do this to you :wtf:

Re: When you should tip me more!

Reply #9 – February 05, 2005, 04:03:28 AM

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What's new with the Mustang, Daren?

New? I've had it almost 2 years. Took me about a half hour to type.

Quote

I know I'm not the only person who saw this so just watch out Dare, someone may be scheming to do this to you

I've had people do other things to a pizza to get it for free, like smashing the top of the box after I'm gone!

Quote

Has ALL of that actually happened to you?

Yep, No, not realy a bad day at work, just anoyed at some old bitch that chewed me out over 41 cents. (we don't carry change, we round the total up the the next whole dollar)

Quote

these are the kinds of people on whose lawn I want to take a big steamy dump!

I've done alot worse than that to some people that have pissed me off.

Re: When you should tip me more!

Reply #10 – February 07, 2005, 03:51:27 AM

Quote from: Dare

just anoyed at some old bitch that chewed me out over 41 cents. (we don't carry change, we round the total up the the next whole dollar)

I've done alot worse than that to some people that have pissed me off.

I don't keep change either, too much of a PITA, but tonight some friggin little girl was like "can I have my change back?" it was 30 somethin cents. I was about to grab all the pennies and dimes in my pocket and just throw it at her and mention something about her buying her parents some god english lessons so they can not have to have their 8 year old order pizza :shakehead

and what kind of "worse things" have you done?

Re: When you should tip me more!

Reply #11 – February 08, 2005, 12:23:29 AM

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and what kind of "worse things" have you done?

Well, this one dude, Carnofski! The Pizza puppies as we call him, Every time I would go to him he would bitch and he was always in his Underware! One night when I was off, I was ridding around with some friends when I saw him out walking, I circled the block, then took a 44 OZ of pen 15e got up to about 30 mph and threw it at him! It exploded on his back! Hahaha! It was great!

Re: When you should tip me more!

Reply #12 – February 08, 2005, 06:10:32 AM

The newspaper headline the next day....

Area Man Killed by Soda