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Topic: a funny. Only applies to us in the snow belt ;) sure NSFW! (Read 1402 times) previous topic - next topic

a funny. Only applies to us in the snow belt ;) sure NSFW!

Read this folks...           
 
 Diary of a snow shoveler, probable location - between Missouri, Minnesota, and New York
 December 8 - 6:00 PM
 It started to snow.
 The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our pen 15tails and  sat  for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down  from heaven.
 It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
 So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
 I love snow!
 
 December 9
 We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
 What a fantastic sight!
 Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
 Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
 Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
 I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
 This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
 What a perfect life!
 
 December 12
 The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
 Such a disappointment!
 My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
 No snow on Christmas would be awful!
 Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again
 I don't think that's possible.
 Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
 
 December 14
 Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
 The temperature dropped to -20.
 The cold makes everything sparkle so.
 The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
 This is the life!
 The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
 I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
 I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.
 
 December 15
 20 inches forecast.
 Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
 Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
 Stocked the freezer.
 The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
 I think that's silly.
 We aren't in Alaska , after all.
 
 December 16
 Ice storm this morning.
 Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
 Hurt like hell.
 The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
 
 December 17
 Still way below freezing.
 Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
 Electricity was off for 5 hours.
 I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
 Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
 Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
 God I hate it when she's right.
 I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
 
 December 20
 Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the  stuff last night.
 More shoveling!
 Took all day.
 The  snowplow came by twice.
 Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
 I think they're lying.
 Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
 Might have another shipment in March.
 I think they're lying.
 Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
 I think he's lying.
 
 December 22
 Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the  white  shiznit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till  August.
 Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
 By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
 Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the  winter, but he says he's too busy.  I think the asshole is lying.
 
 December 23
 Only 2 inches of snow today
 And it warmed up to 0..
 The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
 What is she, nuts?!!
 Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
 She says she did but I think she's lying.
 
 December 24
 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
 Thought I was having a heart attack.
 If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag  him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken  shovel.
 I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish  shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and  throws snow all over where I've just been!
 Tonight the wife wanted  me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was  too busy watching for the  snowplow.
 
 December 25
 Merry freaking Christmas!
 20 more inches of the  slop tonight -Snowed in.
 The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
 God, I hate the snow!
 Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
 The wife says I have a bad attitude.
 I think she's an idiot.
 If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
 
 December 26
 Still snowed in...
 Why the hell did I ever move here?
 It was all HER idea.
 She's really getting on my nerves.
 
 December 27
 Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14  hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my  pipes.
 
 December 28
 Warmed up to above -20.
 Still snowed in.
 The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
 
 December 29
 10 more inches..
 Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
 That's the silliest thing I ever heard.  How dumb does he think I am?
 
 December 30
 Roof caved in.
 I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million  dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove  the broken snow shovel up his ass.
 The wife went home to her mother.
 Nine more inches predicted.
 
 December 31
 I set fire to what's left of the house.
 No more shoveling.
 
 January 8
 Feel so good.
 I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
 Why am I tied to the bed?
'84 Mustang
'98 Explorer 5.0
'03 Focus, dropped a valve seat. yay. freakin' split port engines...
'06 Explorer EB 4.6

a funny. Only applies to us in the snow belt ;) sure NSFW!

Reply #1
Tldr
...and there was light!

a funny. Only applies to us in the snow belt ;) sure NSFW!

Reply #2
I'm getting to that point. In the last 35 days (5 weeks) we've had measurable snow that I've had to shovel 20 times. That's right in 35 days we've had 20 with shovelable snow.
88 Thunderbird LX: 306, Edelbrock Performer heads, Comp 266HR cam, Edelbrock Performer RPM intake, bunch of other stuff.

a funny. Only applies to us in the snow belt ;) sure NSFW!

Reply #3
My Version:

Diary of a snow shoveler, Long Island
October 26  2:00 PM
It started to snow.
The first snow of the season.
Die Snow.  Die.


My roof aint gonna cave in, but I'm pretty sure my pool cover is......Just keeps coming and never thawing out.  It won't get warm enough to melt for me to siphon the water out.
-- 05 Mustang GT-Whipplecharged !!
--87 5.0 Trick Flow Heads & Intake - Custom Cam - Many other goodies...3100Lbs...Low12's!

a funny. Only applies to us in the snow belt ;) sure NSFW!

Reply #4
The late 1970s had several back to back bad winters.  The worst I think of were 76-77 and 78-79.  January 1977 was so cold (prelonged) as water lines to homes were freezing up solid under the street.  Odd stories were heard plumbing firms were attempting thaws using welding equipment (line attached at street in trench dug and other inside the home).  The weird stories were such attempts caused mysterious electrical fires in homes down the street?  Whether this was fact---unknown?  I heard the story a few times in my job.  Connected no doubt to common grounding of electrical services to water pipe.  We are now on level with January 1977 here.
 
January 1979 was just snow and snow and cold.  Many buildings suffered structural damage due to snow loads and water damage as time went on.  I remember watching a large snow pile, created by plowing, finally melting and gone in late May.  The first generalized thaw that winter occurred in mid-March.  Talk about sweating bullets when late December 1979 came around for the next winter.  Well, 79-80 turned out to be very mild.

a funny. Only applies to us in the snow belt ;) sure NSFW!

Reply #5
Lmao!
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
86 T-Bird V6 C5
91 F-150 5.0L 5spd
93 Mustang LX 351C C4
2013 Honda CRV AWD

 

a funny. Only applies to us in the snow belt ;) sure NSFW!

Reply #6
Quote from: JKATHRE;428702
The late 1970s had several back to back bad winters.  The worst I think of were 76-77 and 78-79.  January 1977 was so cold (prelonged) as water lines to homes were freezing up solid under the street.  Odd stories were heard plumbing firms were attempting thaws using welding equipment (line attached at street in trench dug and other inside the home).  The weird stories were such attempts caused mysterious electrical fires in homes down the street?  Whether this was fact---unknown?  I heard the story a few times in my job.  Connected no doubt to common grounding of electrical services to water pipe.  We are now on level with January 1977 here.
 
January 1979 was just snow and snow and cold.  Many buildings suffered structural damage due to snow loads and water damage as time went on.  I remember watching a large snow pile, created by plowing, finally melting and gone in late May.  The first generalized thaw that winter occurred in mid-March.  Talk about sweating bullets when late December 1979 came around for the next winter.  Well, 79-80 turned out to be very mild.


yup,, i think in 79 or 80, we had the front doors open on christmas day cause it was in the mid/high 70's