Jokes just for kicks

Topic: Jokes just for kicks (Read 1936 times) previous topic - next topic

Jokes just for kicks

Reply #15 – May 15, 2013, 04:19:14 PM

A not-too-bright but beautiful blonde was driving home one night when she was caught in a terrible storm. The hailstones were as big as golf balls, and her car was dented badly.

Next day at the auto shop, a repairman decided to have a little fun at her expense. "To fix the dents in the body," he said, "drive home, park the car, and when the tailpipe is cool, get down on your knees and blow really hard into the tailpipe, and the dents will pop out.

Later, a girlfriend of the blonde is driving by and sees her friend on her knees, blowing hard into the tailpipe. She asks what's going on and is told the story. The girlfriend laughs. "Well, duhhh! You need to roll up the windows first, silly!"

Car Acronyms

Reply #16 – May 15, 2013, 04:30:57 PM

IROC:
Italian Retard Out Cruising
Ignorant Redneck Owns Car
I Race Only Civics
I’m a Retard Out Cruising
I Reak of Cologne
I Race On Credit
I Race Only Children
Idiot Runs Over Cats
It’s Really Only a Camaro
I Run Over Children
I’m Really Out of Cash
Idiot Running On pen 15e
I Really Own
Incredibly Ragged Out
could go on and on here :).....

HONDA:
Horribly Overpriced, Needing Dad’s Assistance
Hallmark of Non-Descript Automobiles
Helping Out Nips Destroying America
Hand Over Dollars to Asians
Had Overhauled Nine Days Ago
Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything
Had One, Never Did Again
History of No Dramatic Acceleration
Hold Overs Not Doing Anything
Honda Options: No Deal Available!
Hugely Obnoxious Nuclear Driving Accident
Had One, Never Do-that Again
How Odd, No Acceleration
Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
Highly Overpriced Non-Domestic Automobile

CHEVROLET:
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cheap Heap Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
py Hot-Running Engines, Very Rusted Out, Lose Every Time
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cant Have Every Vehicle Race On Last Every Time
Cracked Heads Every Valve Rattles Oil Leaks Every Time
Cheap Heaps Erratically Vibrate Running On Level Even Terrain
Can Hear Every Valve Rattle Over Loud Engine Tapping
Can’t Help Every Valve Rattles Or Leaks Every Time!
Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle, Or Loud Engine Ticks
Cheap Hastily Engineered Vehicle Running On Luck Every Time
Cheap Hazardous Expensive Vehicle Runs On Luck Every Time
Can hear every valve rattle, oil leaks every time
Clutch Hangs, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques
Check Heads Every Valve Rattles Or Leaks Every Time
Cracked Heads, Every Valve’s Rotten, Oil Leaks Every Time
Heap Enormously Vulnerable Runs On Luck Every Time

GM:
Generally Malfunctions
Grossly Misconceived
G*d-D@mn Mess
Genital Motors
Getting Malignant
General Maintenance
Give More
Grungy Merchandise
Garbage Motors
General Malpratice
Generally Miserable
Generally Misunderstood
Get a Mopar!
General Mistakes
Great Mistake

CADILLAC:
Crazy Aunt Drives It Like A Lunatic Across the Country
Company Asking Dealers If Local Lawyers Are Calling
Company Always Denies Its Lawful Liability After Collisions
Car And Driver Indicates Lady Luck Abandoned Consumer
Cars Are Driven In Long Lines And Crashed

CAMARO:
py American Machine Always Requires Oil
Cash Always Miniscule After Retail Overpricing
Calling All Mechanics – Another Required Overhaul
Can A Mechanic Actually Repair One??
Can’t America Make A Real One?

PONTIAC
Poor Old Ni**** Thinks It’s A Cadillac
Puts Out Noxious Toxins In All Cities
People On Narcotics Think It’s A Chevy
Poor Old Nitwit Thinks Its A Cadillac
Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car

KIA:
Keep Inside Asia
Killer Implosion Awaits
KOREAN INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT
Krap in Action
Killed In Assembly
Kills In Accidents
Killed In Accident
Keep It Away!
Korea’s Incompetence Amazing
Killed In Action

Jokes just for kicks

Reply #17 – May 15, 2013, 11:38:14 PM

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Dam!

Jokes just for kicks

Reply #18 – May 17, 2013, 08:33:48 AM

A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire
department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire
proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so
someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though
there was doubt that they would be of any assistance, the call was made.

The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They
drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames.
The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying
water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire,
breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts.

The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and
so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the volunteer
fire department with a check for $1000.

A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department
planned to do with the funds.

"That should be obvious," he responded, "the first thing we're gonna do is
get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck."

Jokes just for kicks

Reply #19 – May 17, 2013, 10:25:56 AM

A few years ago while driving my semi across Wyoming, I was climbing this small hill and being fully loaded, I was was past by a Schnieder truck. That in itself is embarrassing. So when he was far enough ahead, I flashed my lights signaling him it was ok to move back into the lane ahead of me. With his turn signal still on, he moved over to the shoulder of the road, then over onto the grass in which he proceeded to roll his truck over!! I said "Well S#@* I had better stop and check on him". So I went trotting (I don't run) back and as I approached his truck, he was climbing out. I asked the driver if he was ok, then I asked him what in the world was he doing passing me then pulling over only to roll his truck?!?!
He responded by saying ..................................................................

His turn signal stuck