Troubles having children

Topic: Troubles having children (Read 2421 times) previous topic - next topic

Troubles having children

Reply #15 – August 02, 2010, 02:34:58 AM

I know how ya'll feel. My wife has the same exact problems mentioned. We just went to the drs last week and he gave her some meds to try. My prayers are with all of you.

Troubles having children

Reply #16 – August 03, 2010, 11:07:24 AM

Quote from: 50tbrd88

try telling that to a woman who wants nothing more than to be a Mom

This kind of threw me for a loop. From reading all of your posts on the matter, it seems that you are getting some pressure from parents and grandparents to have kids. A lot of times they don't realize how deep an effect their comments can have. So perhaps telling them to cool it for a bit would help lower the stress levels if they are still making comments about it.

Also, I haven't heard you mention how old you and your wife are, but it might be better to just hold off on things for a bit and stop trying to hard to make something happen. Sometimes things just do not work out according to the way we want them to, no matter how badly we want those things to come about.

Both of you should just take a break from it and stop obsessing about it. Admit to yourselves that it may never happen, no matter how badly you might want it to. Facintg the truth and saying it out loud can make a big difference. And have that talk with the parents/grandparents if you haven't already.

Societal pressures, the whole "having kids is the next thing to do after you get married" thing, can also put a lot of stress on a marriage. Just enjoy being married and let things be for a while. Take a few steps back and catch your collective breath. Really buttstuffyze your attitude and the way you're handling everything and try to make positive changes. Stress can cause multiple physical problems. Your inability to have a child on schedule and the stress related to that may actually be part of the reason you haven't been able to have a child on schedule.

Finally, admit to yourselves that you may never be able to conceive. Face that possible truth. Think about what your lives would be like if you never had children. Try to remain positive, and have faith.

Who knows? There may be a kid out there right now who needs a mom and dad more than anything in the world. And you may end up being the parents she needs when you adopt her in the future and change her life completely.

In any case, I pray that you and your wife will be able to get through this difficult time and that you will continue to love and support one another, no matter the outcome.

Troubles having children

Reply #17 – August 03, 2010, 12:05:43 PM

Quote from: jkirchman;330547

This kind of threw me for a loop. From reading all of your posts on the matter, it seems that you are getting some pressure from parents and grandparents to have kids. A lot of times they don't realize how deep an effect their comments can have. So perhaps telling them to cool it for a bit would help lower the stress levels if they are still making comments about it.

Also, I haven't heard you mention how old you and your wife are, but it might be better to just hold off on things for a bit and stop trying to hard to make something happen. Sometimes things just do not work out according to the way we want them to, no matter how badly we want those things to come about.

Both of you should just take a break from it and stop obsessing about it. Admit to yourselves that it may never happen, no matter how badly you might want it to. Facintg the truth and saying it out loud can make a big difference. And have that talk with the parents/grandparents if you haven't already.

Societal pressures, the whole "having kids is the next thing to do after you get married" thing, can also put a lot of stress on a marriage. Just enjoy being married and let things be for a while. Take a few steps back and catch your collective breath. Really buttstuffyze your attitude and the way you're handling everything and try to make positive changes. Stress can cause multiple physical problems. Your inability to have a child on schedule and the stress related to that may actually be part of the reason you haven't been able to have a child on schedule.

Finally, admit to yourselves that you may never be able to conceive. Face that possible truth. Think about what your lives would be like if you never had children. Try to remain positive, and have faith.

Who knows? There may be a kid out there right now who needs a mom and dad more than anything in the world. And you may end up being the parents she needs when you adopt her in the future and change her life completely.

In any case, I pray that you and your wife will be able to get through this difficult time and that you will continue to love and support one another, no matter the outcome.

#1 we are not obsessing about it. Worried? Yes. And it is on our minds because she has been through a lot with this. She has legitimate health problems (very large cysts) that could decrease her odds of ever getting pregnant. I am glad we found this out now because the longer it goes on, the more it could hurt our chances. I am hopeful that the Dr's can get this sorted out soon and get us pointed in the right direction. We are 28 yrs old and both feel we are at the right age to start having kids. We don't want to start having kids at age 35...

#2 We are getting NO pressure from anyone to have kids. I just think it would be nice to bless our parents and grandparents with grandkids. Our families are very close on both sides and yes they do ask about it, but that is pretty understandable considering we have been married for a few years. I feel it is a perfectly resonable question for them to ask us...it just sucks because we are trying to make things happen and really don't want them to know about the trouble we are having.

#3 we have a very happy marriage. My wife is my best friend. I don't feel like you are right in saying "take a break from it". NOW is the time to do something about it. If we sit around and wait a few years, it may be too late due to more female problems, etc. If anything this whole ordeal has made us stronger as a couple.

#4 We have both talked at length about the possibility that we can't have kids. We have both accepted it and while it sucks and we hope we do have kids, we realize its not the end of the world.

Its so easy for people to sit back and tell someone to relax or "you are stressing yourself out". Well hell yes we are worried about it. Wouldn't you be?

Why sit on our asses and do nothing about it when there are doctors and medical procedures out there which can help? If I can spend a little money to do something to help us have a kid, I am going to do it (within reason). I feel spending some money for that reason is money that is better invested than in dumping it into cars, hobbies, etc.

If it gets to the point of financial burden we will move on. In fact, we both agree we probably will not do invetro if it comes to that.

In case you can't tell, I am done hearing the "just relax" shiznit. lol.

Troubles having children

Reply #18 – August 03, 2010, 01:35:23 PM

lol ive heared it all too. But my wife has a double wammy. she has endo and pcos. So basically its never going to happen for me and her. But she hasent given up trying though.

Troubles having children

Reply #19 – August 03, 2010, 04:34:59 PM

Sorry man. I was under the impression that you were asking for advice and opinion. So I contributed. Didn't expect it to be broken down into pieces and individually denied and rejected. Just sending out my thoughts on the subject. Next time you ask, I'll know not to bother.

Quote from: 50tbrd88

Well hell yes we are worried about it. Wouldn't you be?

I think it is obvious from what I wrote that I would try not to be.

Quote

She has legitimate health problems (very large cysts) that could decrease her odds of ever getting pregnant.

Didn't you say they thought the medication she was on, which she was taking in an attempt to increase her chances of pregnancy, are what made that problem worse?

If you want to keep all this from your close families on both sides for whatever reason, then that could be adding to the stress. But far be it from me to suggest such a thing.

You just keep doing what you're doing now. Talk to the doctors about your options and do whatever it takes to have a child. Don't take no for an answer and whatever you do, don't relax.

Troubles having children

Reply #20 – August 03, 2010, 05:34:54 PM

kids are overrated. they grow up cost money, get married
cost more money, have grandkids, cost more money, and
then you have to go to all there games.etc, etc. i was lucky
my daughter was a car nut even when she was younger. i
was just trying to lighten things up a little. daughter is 37,
grandson is 11-1/2. we now have 2 more kids[cats]
named bandit and tj. the best of luck in whatever you
decide to do. wouldnt have traded my daughter for anything
[maybe another cougar] --irv

Troubles having children

Reply #21 – August 03, 2010, 06:00:32 PM

My wife and I met "late" in life and got married at 34 (her) and 35 (me). She's been a Nanny and taken care of kids most of her life and really wants to have kids of her own. Didn't help that her little sister got married long before she did and has had 2 children (but she's also 8 years younger).

We've been trying (initially very hard by tracking her cycles, basil body temps, etc.) basically since we've been together (5+ years now). We've been to a very well respected fertility doctor locally and did "basic stuff", IUI, and IVF. Nothing has worked. Hardest part is we're diagnosed with "non-specific infertility" as there's no big "A-HA" as to why we can't get pregnant. (Other than age at this point as I turn 40 in September and she will turn 39.)

We haven't "given up", but we're not "really trying" anymore. And this has been really hard for my wife as she's wanted kids since she was a little girl. But, I think she's finally coming to terms with the fact that it's very likely we won't have biological kids of our own (which kinda sucks as that means the end of my family tree as I'm the only boy). But, it is what it is. Sometimes, things are just not meant to be (even though when you see those "deadbeat" parents, you really start to question why they can have kids...).

We're now working on an adoption, and that is a very long involved process as well. I applaud you for not going into financial ruin to have a kid, as it's adifficult decision, but you have to consider your own livelihood and where you'd be IF you sacrifice everything and finally do get it to work, but now you're so far in debt you can't raise the child. (We've already spent over $20K trying ourselves...)

My advice, if you can, try to not stress too much about it. Very hard, I know. Consider other options like adoption and see where that leads.

Good Luck, and we'll pray for you!

Troubles having children

Reply #22 – August 03, 2010, 06:03:12 PM

Quote from: jkirchman;330591

Sorry man. I was under the impression that you were asking for advice and opinion. So I contributed. Didn't expect it to be broken down into pieces and individually denied and rejected. Just sending out my thoughts on the subject. Next time you ask, I'll know not to bother.

I think it is obvious from what I wrote that I would try not to be.

Didn't you say they thought the medication she was on, which she was taking in an attempt to increase her chances of pregnancy, are what made that problem worse?

If you want to keep all this from your close families on both sides for whatever reason, then that could be adding to the stress. But far be it from me to suggest such a thing.

You just keep doing what you're doing now. Talk to the doctors about your options and do whatever it takes to have a child. Don't take no for an answer and whatever you do, don't relax.

I was hoping to get advice from people who had been down the same road we are on right now. Sorry if I came across shiznitty, but this is kind of a big deal for us!