My new life :(
Is going to the hospital every day. My mother has had hiatal hernia all her life, and three days ago her stomach moved up into her chest cavity. We took her to the hospital, and while we waited and waited and WAITED for a transport to a city hospital for an operation, she coded. They revived her with the paddles and CPR, but she aspirated and it's been all downhill ever since. They had to operate at the local hospital and it was successful, but now her lungs are filled with fluid and they can't keep her BP up. She's already coded again in the following 24 hours and we told the hospital to DNR if she codes a third time.
I just can't believe it. I feel shellshocked, and if I let my guard down for one second I might lose it. I tell myself that it's just as sudden as getting hit by a car, but I still can't shake the fact that I talked to her two days ago and now she's going away for good. My dad and I are just waiting for the phone call that will tell us either to hurry over for the end or that it has already come. I had always known this day would come eventually, but I figured I'd make it into my fifties first instead of so soon. It's also made me realize just how important family really is, and to look at my own life...and that perhaps I need to start putting more effort into getting on with it.
It feels strange posting something this personal on a forum, but I guess we're not just Cat/Bird nuts but people too...anyhow, I guess I just need to vent.