My new life :(

Topic: My new life :( (Read 1399 times) previous topic - next topic

My new life :(

May 11, 2007, 09:30:03 PM

Is going to the hospital every day. My mother has had hiatal hernia all her life, and three days ago her stomach moved up into her chest cavity. We took her to the hospital, and while we waited and waited and WAITED for a transport to a city hospital for an operation, she coded. They revived her with the paddles and CPR, but she aspirated and it's been all downhill ever since. They had to operate at the local hospital and it was successful, but now her lungs are filled with fluid and they can't keep her BP up. She's already coded again in the following 24 hours and we told the hospital to DNR if she codes a third time.

I just can't believe it. I feel shellshocked, and if I let my guard down for one second I might lose it. I tell myself that it's just as sudden as getting hit by a car, but I still can't shake the fact that I talked to her two days ago and now she's going away for good. My dad and I are just waiting for the phone call that will tell us either to hurry over for the end or that it has already come. I had always known this day would come eventually, but I figured I'd make it into my fifties first instead of so soon. It's also made me realize just how important family really is, and to look at my own life...and that perhaps I need to start putting more effort into getting on with it.

It feels strange posting something this personal on a forum, but I guess we're not just Cat/Bird nuts but people too...anyhow, I guess I just need to vent.

My new life :(

Reply #1 – May 11, 2007, 09:42:07 PM

Sheehs, man, never heard of hernias causing that much damage. I hope everything goes well... as well as it really can, I guess. It's a tough thing to make a decision on a DNR. I guess I've been lucky that most of the deaths I've dealt with in the past 10 years or so have been the kind you get plenty of warning about. It's the worst when it's so sudden. My thoughts are with your family, man.

My new life :(

Reply #2 – May 11, 2007, 09:43:02 PM

i know how it feels my father died 2 weeks ago we didn't even see it coming. He was very overwieght and wasn't able to leave the bed for the past year, so me and my mother were taking care of him and i get this call when im at work that my father is having a heart attack , i race home and it was to late he had pasted. Im not sure when ill feel like my old self again

My new life :(

Reply #3 – May 12, 2007, 12:14:37 AM

Death is one of the hardest things for anybody to go through, except for the person that’s doing it.
My prayers will be with both of you and your families. I assume it will be very difficult for many of you to let go. The way I have learned to deal with it is to keep in mind they are going to a better place. The sorrow I feel is for my loss, THEY have been blessed.

Be strong guys.

My new life :(

Reply #4 – May 12, 2007, 12:21:32 AM

I hope everything goes okay. You and your family will be in my prayers.

When I was 9 my grandfather died suddenly right before my eyes. We were all getting ready to go to bed and he and I just had a late night bowl of cereal. Everything was perfect. 15 minutes later everything changed. After all the commotion with him and the paramedics, I remember being up all night laying on the sofa in the living room while my mom, aunts and grandmother tried to figure out funeral arrangements. It's absolutely unbelievable how quickly things like this happen.

My new life :(

Reply #5 – May 12, 2007, 12:26:29 AM

Quote from: Ifixyawata;146587

I guess I've been lucky that most of the deaths I've dealt with in the past 10 years or so have been the kind you get plenty of warning about. It's the worst when it's so sudden.

Quote from: Jim_Miller;146612

Death is one of the hardest things for anybody to go through, except for the person that’s doing it.

It's only worse on the relatives when it isn't sudden. For the person doing the dying it's a blessing. Gimme a stroke or heart attack over cancer any day.

Come to think of it, when my parents' time comes I think I'd rather that be sudden than to watch them suffer while they waste away. It all comes down to one thing, though: It's hard. It's hard to even imagine, much less experience. I've been lucky - only ever been to one funeral, that of a hunting buddy that had a heart attack while repairing his roof. I haven't experienced REAL loss yet, so I don't know how I'll cope with it.

Quietleaf: I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. We're all pulling for you and your mother.

My new life :(

Reply #6 – May 12, 2007, 01:09:57 AM

Quote from: Thunder Chicken;146616

It's only worse on the relatives when it isn't sudden. For the person doing the dying it's a blessing. Gimme a stroke or heart attack over cancer any day.......
....
Quietleaf: I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. We're all pulling for you and your mother.

Um, careful what you wish for, Carm. My grandmother had a massive stroke that left her half paralized and with the functional skills of a 4 year old for a year. She was too strong and made a remarkable recovery, fought back to about 95% her oldself.
It was extremly hard though watching her struggle to relearn things, like even speech. Seeing it in her eyes, the frustration that she knew that she was messed up. She made the recovery and held on for 4 or 5 years but had a massive heart attack that killed her instantly. The night before, I was at my parents/her place, and had a rough day which put me in a bit of a mood. Well I got somethings from the basp00get, and as I was leaving I just said "see you tomorrow grandma" without the usual "I love you" to her at the end. I didn't say it that time and didn't think it would be my last chance..... That still F**ks me up when I think about that......man I wish I could have that day back...

Quiteleaf..... Hang in there man.....

My new life :(

Reply #7 – May 12, 2007, 10:01:04 AM

OK, let me rephrase that: Gimme a fatal stroke or heart attack over terminal cancer.

Though there are those that would not notice if I had the skills of a four year old...

My new life :(

Reply #8 – May 12, 2007, 10:03:53 AM

LOL yeah me too.

My new life :(

Reply #9 – June 01, 2007, 01:44:38 AM

I'm sorry to say that she lost her fight after a week of fighting, and passed around 1:30 AM the day after Mother's day. The past two weeks have been sort of a daze, and my father and I are limping along as well as we can. I have the "benefit" (if you can call it that) of still working so I have something to occupy my time, but my father had just retired in August and had planned to spend time with mom. Guess that won't be happening.

Some lessons learned, albeit belatedly:

1. Tell your mom that you love her. I'd always found that hard, but I made sure to repeat it several times while she was unconscious. I don't know if she heard me then, but I hope she has since. You never know when the time will come when you want to but you can't.

2. I spent a lot of my life striving for "achievement" -- achievement in school, in my career, etc., and have done pretty well. The point we often miss is all the people we encounter in those journeys, people who come and go with the ebb and flow of life. It's dawned on me that each of those persons is special, each has their own journey, their own history, their own family, etc. and I should have felt privileged for the little time I had in my life when they were a part of it. I've had a circle of close friends for nigh 20 years now and who are really trying to be there for me. I find myself grateful beyond words for their support, but it's also become stark how many others who have been in my life who I've allowed to vanish -- and those who had vanished who saw fit to reconnect when they saw what I was going through. I don't want to let that happen again, as the short lives we have only make that time even more precious.

I still look around the house and wonder where mom is, and a few times I've found myself imagining hearing her voice. But she's gone, and I'm finding that I've left other voids in my life as well -- and a real need to fill them. I can be pretty hard-headed sometimes and I guess that only this sort of kick in the rear would have gotten me out of my inertia. "Better late than never" sounds hollow, but I guess it's no less true for that.

My new life :(

Reply #10 – June 01, 2007, 07:55:06 AM

I'm sorry you lost your mom. I know it's a really hard situation to go through.
I was 15 when my father died. I came home from school one day to find him in bed not feeling well and 3 hours later he was gone. He had been sick for about 10 years but nothing like that day. I always knew it would come, but didn't expect it then, I had hoped he'd at least see me graduate and maybe get married.

I'll be thinking of you and your family.