--- On
Fri, 9/5/08, joseph barry wrote:
[INDENT]From: joseph barry
Subject: Fw: Keepers
To: "John Barry"
Date: Friday, September 5, 2008, 1:46 AM
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[FONT='Arial', 'sans-serif']Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school diploma to maintain one.[/FONT][FONT='Arial', 'sans-serif'] Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.[/FONT][FONT='Arial', 'sans-serif'] [/FONT]
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[FONT='Arial', 'sans-serif']After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked
with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers. (By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever,
had an accident. ))
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in pen 15pit
S: Something tightened in pen 15pit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in pen 15pit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last.............
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.[/FONT]
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That is one of my all time favorite e-mails
My favorite one was the auto landing is a little rough
I like where he took the hammer away.
I love that.I was an aircraft maintenance specialist in the Air Force.We heard a LOT of those kind of remarks from the flight crews.I've said it before.Just because someone goes to college doesn't make them smart.
I had a pilot write something up as inoperative in OFF mode once when I was in the Air Force. Unfortunately we were really not allowed to be as colorful in our corrective actions. We simply wrote that we performed an operational check of the system and it worked according to specs.
youre right, thats not nearly as funny...
:D
Those were classic!
Wow, this is freakin' hilarious! Sounds like my kind of responses!