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This is a bit funny

--- On Fri, 9/5/08, joseph barry wrote:
[INDENT]From: joseph barry
Subject: Fw: Keepers
To: "John Barry"
Date: Friday, September 5, 2008, 1:46 AM

#yiv1478330550 DIV {MARGIN:0px;}


[FONT='Arial', 'sans-serif']Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school diploma to maintain one.[/FONT][FONT='Arial', 'sans-serif'] Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our  jobs.[/FONT][FONT='Arial', 'sans-serif'] [/FONT]
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[FONT='Arial', 'sans-serif']After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, dospoogeent their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked
with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.  (By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever,
had an accident. ))

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in pen 15pit
S: Something tightened in pen 15pit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in pen 15pit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last.............

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.[/FONT]

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[/INDENT]
Old Grey Cat to this.88 Cat, 5.0 HO, CW mounts, mass air, CI custom cam, afr165's, Tmoss worked cobra intake, BBK shorty's,off road h pipe, magnaflow ex. T-5,spec stage 2 clutch, 8.8 373 TC trac loc, che ajustables with bullits on the rear. 11" brakes up front. +

This is a bit funny

Reply #1 –
That is one of my all time favorite e-mails

My favorite one was the auto landing is a little rough
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
***** Project "EVOLUTION" 1987 Cougar LS  & 1985 Cougar Convertible *****
[/COLOR]
5.0 HO 306 roller block, machined GT-40P heads, Wiseco dished forged pistons, Eagle forged floating I-beam connecting rods, Lunati pushrods, ARP bolts, Scorpion aluminum 1.6 rockers, Comp Cams Magnum 266HR, Explorer intake, 65mm TB, MAF Conversion, 19# injectors, Ford Racing stainless P-headers, 2-1/2" cat-less exhaust w/ Flowtech Afterburner lers , SC AOD with 2800 BDR torque converter, 3.73 T-Lok rear, CHE rear control arms, full 2-1/2" frame w/1" jacking rails & seat supports, Rear disk brakes, Turbine wheels, All original interior w/ floor shift upgrade .......
Pretty much every panel on my 87 is new, rebuilt, or re constructed. :D
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This is a bit funny

Reply #2 –
I like where he took the hammer away.
Old Grey Cat to this.88 Cat, 5.0 HO, CW mounts, mass air, CI custom cam, afr165's, Tmoss worked cobra intake, BBK shorty's,off road h pipe, magnaflow ex. T-5,spec stage 2 clutch, 8.8 373 TC trac loc, che ajustables with bullits on the rear. 11" brakes up front. +

This is a bit funny

Reply #3 –
I love that.I was an aircraft maintenance specialist in the Air Force.We heard a LOT of those kind of remarks from the flight crews.I've said it before.Just because someone goes to college doesn't make them smart.
'88 Sport--T-5,MGW shifter,Trick Flow R intake,Ed Curtis cam,Trick Flow heads,Scorpion rockers,75mm Accufab t-body,3G,mini starter,Taurus fan,BBK long tube headers,O/R H-Pipe, Flowamaster Super 44's, deep and deeper Cobra R wheels, Mass Air and 24's,8.8 with 3.73's,140 mph speedo,Mach 1 chin spoiler,SN-95 springs,CHE control arms,aluminum drive shaft and a lot more..

This is a bit funny

Reply #4 –
Quote
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


I had a pilot write something up as inoperative in OFF mode once when I was in the Air Force.  Unfortunately we were really not allowed to be as colorful in our corrective actions.  We simply wrote that we performed an operational check of the system and it worked according to specs.
-- 05 Mustang GT-Whipplecharged !!
--87 5.0 Trick Flow Heads & Intake - Custom Cam - Many other goodies...3100Lbs...Low12's!

This is a bit funny

Reply #5 –
Quote from: V8Demon;235171
We simply wrote that we performed an operational check of the system and it worked according to specs.


youre right, thats not nearly as funny...



:D
1988 Thunderbird sport
2004 Ford F150 Lariat
2008  Chevrolet Cobalt Sport
2007 Suzuki DR-Z400S dual sport/Supermoto
1988 Thunderbird LX - sold
1988 Mercury Cougar XR-7 with GST kit - gone

This is a bit funny

Reply #6 –
Those were classic!
 

This is a bit funny

Reply #7 –
Wow, this is freakin' hilarious!  Sounds like my kind of responses!
1988 Thunderbird Turbo Coupe
'89 5.0 w/ ported intakes, Mallory Adjustable FPR, BBK shorties and H with 2.5" Flows, 130 amp 3G, 89 Mustang comp/wiring, Aluminum radiator w/ elec fan, T5 trans, King Cobra clutch, 3.55 gears, 13" Cobra brakes (front), Wilwood prop valve, Mustang A-arms, Front Coil-overs, MM CC plates, Silver 17x9 R's, 03 Cobra IRS, Aluminum DS, 2002 Mustang dash/console etc..., custom leather seats